Written on 12/3/08:
Dear Calhan,
Here I am, my first day without having to pump for you. I tried my best to provide you with momma’s milk, but I kept getting sick with mastitis. I had it four times during your first 3.5 months of life. I have been on antibiotics for 40 of the last 100 days. The doctors say that I cannot continue because I will soon become resistant to the antibiotics. If the antibiotics no longer work, mastitis could turn into an abcess. Then, I would need surgery.
So as much as I planned on pumping for you as long as I could, I just cannot continue. On one hand, I feel so guilty and it breaks my heart. On the other hand, I look forward to the extra time I will have to snuggle you. Fortunately, I have almost a deep freeze full of momma’s milk to get you through several more months. I am so sorry I cannot provide fresh momma’s milk throughout your first year. You have done fine with formula and I am thankful for that. I was so nervous and sad when I gave you your first bottle of formula. I feel lucky that you take it willingly.
I know this is how it has to be and it will be fine. I preach to families all the time at work that they need to what is best for them and that formula is a great alternative to breast milk. It just seems so different when it comes to me (and you). Regardless, you will grow up to be the wonderful, intelligent, and sweet little boy that you are. I love you so much and I am so blessed to have you in my life! I love you sweet boy!
